What determines whether someone bounces back from a set-back or disappointment when others really struggle? Difficult situations impact everyone and it’s normal to experience low mood for awhile, but for some, 1 in 5 statistically, that recovery can be very hard. There are preventatives though that can really make a difference and knowing these, for yourself and sharing them with loved ones, can provide a very protective buffer against future depression and anxiety.
Depression proofing your family - performance vs effort
*Prof.Carol Dweck PhD. has spent years studying resilience in children. She found that some children bounce from challenges while others give up quickly. Her research found that those who labelled themselves as “a failure” or having “failed”, judged themselves harshly and were focused on performance outcomes (i.e. wanting to look smart and shine, etc.).These children were less likely to want to try again, were more likely to cheat if needed and suffered much higher risk of depression. They became adults who say things like, “I’ll be happy if I get an A for this exam”.
Alternatively, students who were focused on effort, rather than a score, who had a learning mindset and simply thought, “This didn’t work, I’m a problem solver and I’ll try something else.” were more likely to thrive on adversity and be willing to keep going. They were much less affected by a negative experience. Learning goals, i.e. a willingness to ‘give something a go’, inspire much more resilience than performance focus.
Go for learning as the goal rather than the score on the board
Resilient thinking requires changing focus to, “I’ve really put a lot of effort into this. I’m learning something valuable.” If something doesn’t turn out as you expect, look at, “What did I gain from the experience and how can use that in the future?” Think, “I’m not there yet!” to get your bounce back. *The Effort Effect (March/April 2007), https://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/ article/?article_id=32124
“There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.”
R.Buckminster Fuller
In summary:
- “I’ll be happy when…” puts people at risk of depression.
- Become a learner and acknowledge effort over outcomes.
- Rather than say, “I’ve failed” say, “I’m not there yet.”
About the authors:
Bare Hands is run by allied health professionals committed to helping women embrace positive change by providing access to practical education. To find out more visit www.barehands.com.au
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