Father's Day with AEIOU Dad Angus Gaffney

This Father's Day, Angus Gaffney shares his journey with us as a parent of a child with autism. His daughter Stella attends AEIOU Foundation, and here he tells us what he's learned and what he is looking forward to on Father's Day.

“I am the very proud Dad to Amos aged 6 and Stella aged 3.  I feel really fortunate to be able to celebrate Father’s day with them both.

I feel especially fortunate that this Father’s day, Stella will be able to use words to say “Cuddles please, Daddy” which melts my heart. This time last year Stella was not speaking at all.

When Stella was born we thought we had the perfect baby; She slept through the night without a sound, she ate whatever we put in front of her and was happy most of the time.

At about 18 months of age we noticed she was not talking very much, so we took her to a speech pathologist and various other professionals on the Gold Coast.

After Stella turned two, my wife and I, with Stella’s childcare teachers had noted Stella had various problems with delayed speech and lack of social engagement with others.  We were praying she would suddenly just grow out of it and become like other children… we were hopeful and naive.

In May 2013, when Stella was 2¹/₂, a Paediatrician diagnosed Stella with autism spectrum disorder.  My wife was devastated, not really understanding much about the disorder and what this would mean for Stella in the long-term.  I knew a little about ASD from my line of work, as I had case managed several autistic children before.

Like most parents, Lorraine and I starting reading books about ASD and talking to professionals and other parents to gain greater understanding of the condition.

We were advised to put her name down at AEIOU’s Gold Coast centre, although we were told by our pediatrician it was unlikely we’d be able to get a spot.  The alternative was for us to deliver extensive in-home behavioral therapy for Stella along with other therapeutic support from speech pathologists, occupational therapists, psychologists etc. However, we knew this can be costly and haphazard.

In November 2013, shortly before Stella’s 3^rd birthday, AEIOU phoned to say they had a place for Stella in Term 1 of 2014.  We were very excited, but at the same time very apprehensive as it meant little Stella would be attending AEIOU full-time; we wanted Stella to spend as much time as possible at home with her mother but we knew  this opportunity was the only chance Stella had of breaking the bubble of autism.

After about 5 months at AEIOU Stella was able to feed herself, had more eye contact and greater engagement, she was brushing her teeth, had basic toilet training and best of all, TALKING. Stella started understanding instructions and repeating words with regularity.  We finally got to hear her say “I love you Mummy” and “I love you Daddy”.

Now, Stella is very happy to go to AEIOU each day, she sits herself in the car, sings on the way and then unpacks her bag, lunch in the fridge, sunscreen on by herself and goes out to the yard to play. Stella completed intensive toilet training in July and was completely toilet trained in just over a week. Her speech and engagement is continuing to improve.

After 8 months at AEIOU, we’re now able to plan for Stella’s transition to school in 2016.

One of my favourite things is watching Stella play with her six year old brother Amos, because for the first three years of her life she was unable to even acknowledge his existence.  Now she calls out his name, holds his hand, laughs and plays with him.  The play inevitably dissolves into a fight between the two of them like most siblings, but this too is great to see as it is neuro-typical behaviour.  And I love seeing Stella stand up for herself and push back.

Stella’s progress at AEIOU and the changes it has brought to our family life will make for a very Happy Father’s Day indeed.

I’d like to take the opportunity to share some tips and observations with other Dad’s, who may have a child with a new diagnosis, that have helped me along the way of our autism journey:

• ASD is a lifelong disorder, there are no quick fixes;
• You have the choice on how you deal with the ASD to acknowledge & intervene or avoid dealing with it;
• It is sometimes hard to see neuro-typical kids the same age as your child because of their high levels of language and social skills, and it’s ok to feel this way;
• Don’t forget the siblings, they may feel left out due to the significant parental focus on the ASD;
• Ask for help;
• Engage with other dads with ASD kids to learn ideas and share stories;
• Do not compare, comparison is a pitfall, every child is unique;
• Try to focus on what you have in your child not what you do not have;
• ASD kids are the best;
• Teach your extended families about your child’s ASD so they can get the most out of their interactions with your child.”